


Tap Out

by Cenoura



Series: Full Contact [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Feels, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Kissing, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 14:25:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7896115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cenoura/pseuds/Cenoura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having a best friend is great. Crushing hard on your best friend is...not as great, actually. At least not when you're not sure the feeling is mutual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tap Out

This, Steve thinks, is decidedly not how he had planned the outcome of the session when he stepped into the ring. He has had the advantage through almost the entire match and then suddenly he finds himself pinned down to the floor, Bucky straddling his back and keeping him firmly in a headlock. Although Steve is normally the fastest one of the two his opponent proved to be even more agile than usual today, simultaneously ducking under his arm while grabbing it, twisting it behind his back and, with a swift blow to the back of his knees, throwing him to the ground. Now Bucky holds him in place using his entire body weight, thighs pressing closely against Steve’s waist, left arm wrapped around his neck.

The uncomfortable position together with the sturdy hold is quickly making it hard to breathe and Steve lets out a forced exhale. He struggles against the other man's weight, trying to throw him off and wriggle himself loose until he finally decides that his chances are if not absolutely so at least damn close to zero this time. A bit reluctantly he resigns and pats the worn-out canvas mat twice, sending little clouds of dust flying.immediately the pressure is relieved and air rushes back into his lungs. Steve manages to roll over on his back, gasping for air now that the tight grip on his throat is gone. He looks over to his left and sees Bucky kneeling beside him with an amused look on his face.

 “Tapping out so soon, Rogers?”

It takes a good 20 seconds or so before Steve has managed to gather enough breath to be able to answer and when he does he is still a bit lightheaded and his voice is hoarse.

 “Uhm, yeah. Not on top of my game today I guess.” He pushes himself up to a half-seated position. The fight did actually start out pretty good and he really thought he had it, but during the last minutes he started to lose focus and it kind of all went downhill from there.

“No worries. Do you want a rematch right away or should we save it for another day?” There’s a slight smirk on Bucky’s face as he is reaching out his hand to help Steve off the floor. It is just a courtesy question though, since both of them already know what the answer will be. They have been doing sparring matches for so long that they know when the opponent has had enough and although Steve usually never backs away from a fight he is clearly too beat to go again this time. Besides, Bucky really earned this win.

 “It can wait.”

“Thought so. Hey, no need to look so beaten up. You were doing great up until...well, up until you actually got beaten up”.

Steve gives Bucky an offended look while he takes his outstretched hand and stands up. He twists his sore neck a couple of times and also notices that a part of his back, just below his shoulder blade, hurts like hell. Must be where Bucky’s elbow struck him just before he hit the floor. He winces and apparently makes a face as well, because Bucky cocks his head, still smirking.

“Aaw, was I too hard on you? Maybe we should switch to something easier than martial arts next time?  How about ballet? I’m sure that would suit your fragile physique like a glove.”

“Well, yours too then since we have pretty much the same build. And I’m sure you’ve been longing FOREVER to get together with me in a pas de deux.”

“Punk.”

“Jerk.”

Bucky tries to put on a harsh face, but loses it and laughs.

“Come on, Rogers, time to hit the showers.”

He pats Steve on the back, which causes him to grimace again, then turns around and climbs over the ring ropes, walking towards the locker room with his usual alpha dog swagger. Steve follows right on his heels like an admiring over-sized puppy. Sure, this analogy is a bit cliché, but it strikes him that it is actually not too far from the truth. He pauses just for a second to clear his head, then picks up his pace to catch up with Bucky again.

OK, so let’s back up a little bit. Here’s the thing: Steve and Bucky has been friends, _best_ friends, since they were kids. They grew up together, went to school together and has been pretty much inseparable all their lives. Since they have spent such a considerable amount of time together and know each other better than anyone else they have always been able to talk about everything...except for now, that is. It’s probably not noticeable to anyone else, mainly because he does his best to hide it, but something has been eating at Steve for a while now. He knows that he really should talk with Bucky about it, but he just can’t seem to find the right time or place or even the courage to do it.

Because when and how do you tell your best friend that you have a crush on him?

 

*****

 

To tell the truth Steve doesn’t even know when it started. Five, six months ago, maybe? Perhaps even more, it’s not like he has kept a record or anything. He just knows that there was some point when he realized that he felt different. Sure, he has always been happy spending time with Bucky, but now there is something more, something undefinable. Like a light rush inside of him every time they decide to meet up, a giddy feeling when he makes Bucky laugh or a sense of warmth just by looking at him. Steve wouldn’t go as far as to call it love, but yeah, a crush is a pretty accurate way of describing it at the moment.

 And there’s another thing: he has never been much of a touchy-feely type of person, but right now, walking like this right behind his friend, all he can think of is how much he would like to place his hands on those wide shoulders in front of him, trace his fingers down that back, wrap his arms around Bucky’s waist and bury his face in that long dark hair.

Fuck.

Fuck.

FUCK.

This complicates things.

Because it’s not like Bucky has ever shown that kind of interest in Steve, come on, they are FRIENDS for God’s sake. Or at least that is what they were supposed to be, until all these feelings came along and made him want it to be something else.

And no, the fact that Bucky is a guy has absolutely nothing to do with it. It’s not like either of them is a virgin when it comes to either gender and that’s a fact that none of them has ever tried to keep a secret. But while Steve is more about dating and getting to know the other person Bucky has always adopted more of a “get it while it’s hot”-approach. He sees someone he likes, he goes after them. He wants sex, he usually gets it. As he is always honest about his intentions he actually manages to very rarely be considered a jerk and handles all his interests with what his friends considers an enviable grace. They sometimes points out to him that it must be really great to be one of the beautiful people, getting away with screwing around like he does, to which Bucky usually only says something neutral like “I guess”, smiles and shrugs. It started out as a joke way back, but nowadays it always leaves Steve with a sense of jealousy which he sure could do without.

Everything about this highly inconvenient crush thing would be so much easier to manage if Bucky hadn’t started to behave in a way that sort of makes Steve hope that there might be something there after all. At least he thinks that Bucky hasn’t been like this before, but he can’t be certain. Perhaps he has acted like this all the time and Steve just hasn’t noticed or cared up until recently. And perhaps he is only imagining things because he so desperately hopes for them to be there, to mean something, but there it is.

 

*****

 

First of all, there’s the texting. Most of the time it’s just normal conversation, scheduling workout sessions, asking if the other one wants to grab a beer, just regular banter, but once in a while they seem to enter some sort of grey zone which might be just small talk but might as well be almost flirting. Like this one time when Steve asks for Bucky’s opinion about his outfit for a night out (because let’s face it, Bucky has good taste when it comes to clothes) and it ends up like this:

 **Steve:** _Jeans and a white t-shirt it is then. No fuss, plain and simple, just like you said, right?_

 **Bucky:** _Right. And Steve?_

 **Steve:** _Yes?_

 **Bucky:** _Wear those light blue distressed jeans you have that you rarely ever use._

 **Steve:** _OK._

 **Steve:** _Wait. How do you even know what kind of jeans I own?_

 **Bucky:** _You know._ _I notice things._

And sure, maybe he just has an unusually big interest in clothes, but “things”? Bucky doesn’t mention it again and Steve feels a little stupid to ask, like he’s making a too big deal out of it . But there are other times as well, like when one of Bucky’s dates has gone particularly bad and he complains to Steve afterwards.

 **Bucky:** _I swear, sometimes I consider giving up dating entirely. Or I should be dating you instead._

 **Steve:** _Easy on the jokes, dude._

 **Bucky:** _No, really. It has to be perfect, right? Since we know each other so well already none of these misunderstandings or crazy outbursts would happen._

_(A moment of wireless silence where Steve is thinking a bit too long about how he best should respond to this)_

**Bucky:** _So anyways, you still on for practise tomorrow?_

 _(And the moment is gone)_  

Steve knows, OF COURSE he knows, that he could read way too much into this. Still, these tiny conversations makes him a little warmer inside and also sparks a little hope that he might not be entirely alone when it comes to this.

Then again, it might mean nothing at all.

 

*****

 

Then there’s the touching. Not only does there seem to be a bit more shoulder and back pats than usual, but one night Steve and Bucky are at the bar having a couple of beers, as they sometimes do. They’re not alone, Clint is there too as well as Nat and Bruce, and Tony said he would show up but hasn’t yet, unpredictable as always. Everyone is having a good time, chatting, laughing and getting more or less tipsy.

Bucky, who sits between Steve and Nat, is definitely working his way towards the “more” side. Not so much that he has started to stumble and slur or anything like that, but he is a bit louder than usual and giggles at just about anything. Bruce says something that really isn’t that funny, but which Bucky finds so hilarious that he has to lean against Steve’s shoulder laughing and even after he has stopped he still lets his head rest there for a while, breathing against Steve’s neck and humming slightly. Steve doesn’t mind, REALLY doesn’t, but he is not quite sure about how he should respond to this situation since none of the options flying through his brain (put your arm around him, run your fingers through his hair, kiss him senseless) seems appropriate at the moment. He just pats him awkwardly on the back a couple of times before Bucky hums something indistinguishable and apparently decides that he can sit up by himself again.

All of a sudden Bucky’s phone buzzes. He picks it up and types a quick answer to the message on the display.

“Sorry guys, have to go.”

Everyone lets out a sound of disappointment since it is still an early night and people shouldn’t be leaving yet.

“You’re abandoning us for a booty call?” Clint asks with mock disdain.

Bucky doesn’t answer, just smiles. He catches Nat in a one-sided hug with his right arm, then does the same with Steve on his left side. However, this second time he turns around and places a rather wet but enthusiastic kiss on Steve’s right cheek, so close to his mouth that if he had just turned his head a little it would have been a right-on smooch. Steve, taken aback by this unexpected display of affection, suddenly forgets what he was about to say and just stares at Bucky who stands up, turns to the table and performs a slightly unsteady salute.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”

He smiles his crooked smile once more and pushes away through the crowd towards the door.

Steve suddenly realizes that he has been in a frozen state looking after Bucky for far too long and he quickly closes his half open mouth and looks down at his glass of beer. But Nat, who never ever lets anything slip by her, has of course noticed that lingering look and leans over to him.

“Really Steve, that bro-crush you have? It’s cute and all, but you have to remember to breathe once in a while too.”

“Wha- No! It’s not...I was just...surprised.”

He doesn’t consider this lying because it most certainly isn’t a bro-crush, it’s a full-blown _actual_ crush which is currently causing his heart to beat so hard that it threatens to break his chest apart. He tries to tell himself that this was just Bucky’s reaction to too many beers, but then why him? Why not any of the others, why not Nat, why not all of them before he left? And as disproportionately happy as Bucky’s behaviour tonight makes him, as much does it pain him to know that the call most likely meant that Bucky will be spending the night with someone else than him. That how affectionate he might be towards his best friend that’s the only thing he wants to be; a friend.

 

*****

 

Lastly there is the, well, the showing-off for lack of a better expression. Bucky knows very well that he is good-looking and has never been afraid to show it, but lately he seems to flaunt it more than ever without even knowing or thinking about it. Like right now in the locker room where Bucky would normally just go straight for the shower. Instead he continues to chat while he slowly (but apparently not deliberately so) pulls his tank top over his head and just stands there casually for some time, like he wants pretty much everyone there, including Steve, to get a look at him. Steve is not even sure if Bucky does this on purpose or not but since he cannot really complain about it he has decided not to question it further at the moment.

And then he does this thing when he talks, running the tip of his tongue between his teeth between sentences, sometimes pausing to bite his lower lip in a way that is just sensual and draws you in. Like, it’s not that Steve doesn’t hear what he is saying, but it is sort of secondary compared to how he looks while he is doing it. So all through what after all should pass for a fully normal conversation, Steve is trying not to lose his focus while mentally cursing how ridiculously attracted he is to this man.

Damn those feelings. Damn them to freakin’ hell.

 

*****

 

Steve frowns and gestures towards the TV.

“I don’t get it. Why is she pretending to smoke a cigarette when she’s not even holding one?”

“Look, it’s supposed to be like that. Everyone knows about it and there are hundreds of web sites discussing the meaning of it, I mean, it’s a thing.”

“Oh, it’s a THING! Well, that explains it. It doesn’t look half as weird now, really doesn’t.”

“Steve, I swear to God, if you won’t stop talking through this entire movie I’ll…”

“You’ll what, exactly?”

Bucky doesn’t answer this, just snorts and takes another swig of his beer. Training day turned into movie night and they have once again chosen what Bucky considers “an upcoming classic” while they are comfortably hanging out on Steve’s couch, drinking more or less moderate amounts of alcohol, usually depending on the quality of the movie. When Steve still keeps on talking Bucky nudges his bottle towards his mouth.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?”

“If it helps to shut you up, then yeah, I am.”

Steve grins.

“Oh, come on now. Admit it, you like my running commentaries. Besides, it’ll keep you from falling asleep and drooling all over the couch.”

“It was ONE TIME!”

“And you snored.”

“DID NOT!”

“Like a freight train.”

 

*****

 

They are interrupted in their banter when Bucky’s phone buzzes and he frowns at the disturbance, picks it up and smiles a little. Steve knows that this is absolutely none of his business, but he cannot help asking anyway.

“Who is it?”

“Oh, nevermind. No one you’ve met.” Bucky says at the same time as he quickly types an answer and then puts his phone away.

“Another one of your casual flings?” The words comes out harsher than Steve has planned them to and he regrets it as soon as he sees Bucky tensing up.

“As a matter of fact it was, yeah.”

“So…?”

“So, what?”

“So, do you have to go or something?” The question is too sharp and once again Steve realizes that this is a mistake, that he is letting all the pent-up jealousy he has been trying so hard to contain for several months out way too fast. Irritation flashes across Bucky’s face.

“Come on, Steve, really? I’m not such a sucky friend that I would walk out and leave you alone just like that just because someone I once hooked up with suddenly decided they wanted to see me again. You know that, right? I might go there later, sure, but if I do I can’t actually see hows that your business.”

“It’s not, I know, I just…” Steve lets the words trail off, not entirely sure where to go from here.

“I mean, I know that we’ve never really agreed on my way of doing these things, but it has never been an issue either. Please don’t let it become one now.”

Bucky turns back to the TV but you can tell that he is still annoyed, not only by the way he drains his beer and puts the empty bottle back on the table a little harder than necessary. Steve knows that he should say something, anything, try to explain himself, but instead he picks at the label on his beer bottle and continues to watch the movie, but neither of them actually care about it anymore and none of them says anything.

Finally, Bucky breaks the uncomfortable silence.

“OK, I’ll bite. You obviously have something on your mind, would you like to talk about it?”

Steve starts to open his mouth, but before he has time to say anything, Bucky gets up and starts pacing around the room.

“Look, I know that we’ve known each other for like, forever, and I can usually tell what’s wrong with you, but right now I can’t. I don’t get it, you just seem so, I don’t know...judgmental lately. And even more so tonight.

He stops in front of Steve.

“Have I done something to you? Because if so I would very much appreciate if you tell me what it is, ‘cause I really don’t get it.”

“Well no, you haven’t, but...” Steve starts but then goes silent again, mouth suddenly paper-dry. He has a million things to say, but how to begin? He has been holding this in for so long now and he wants to make sure it comes out absolutely right. He wants Bucky to understand. He NEEDS Bucky to understand. When he still doesn’t manage to say anything for what feels like an eternity Bucky buries his face in his hands and lets out a weary sigh.

“Really Steve, this is getting fucking tiresome. If you have anything you want to say to me, just say it.”

He lets his hands fall down to his sides and looks right at Steve with those impossibly beautiful, slightly hooded eyes. And right then and there it is like something in Steve’s brain short-circuits and all coherent thoughts are replaced with a “ _what the hell”_. He doesn’t really know when and how he manages to get up from the couch and walk those few steps forward, but he suddenly finds himself standing right in front of Bucky, leaning in to him and kissing him.

 

*****

 

It isn't perfect. It isn't one of those long-expected movie kisses where time slows down and the angels start to sing. Instead there is a considerable amount of teeth colliding, noses squashing and at one point Steve is pretty sure he has managed to bite down on Bucky's lip, drawing blood. Then again, the iron taste in his mouth could simply be caused by the sudden headrush he is experiencing and he cannot be sure whether it is from standing up so fast or because _ohmygodthisisreallyhappening_. But he is very certain about one thing and that is that he is not the only one invested in this kiss. Bucky is definitely kissing him back (and to tell the truth, Steve is a bit relieved about that), maybe a bit hesitant at first, but then with an intensity that makes Steve’s lips feels almost bruised.

They pull apart, gasping for air, and for a second there Bucky has a look of bewilderment on his face, like he isn’t sure where he is or what he is doing. The moment is brief, but during this short time about a million thoughts has time to flash through Steve’s head.

_Right, this is it, this is where he realizes he has made a mistake, this is where he blames it on the beer, where he laughs it off, where he wonders what the hell I’m doingfuckfuckfuckimessedup..._

...and that is about as far as he gets before Bucky’s face relaxes into a smile at the same time as he hooks his index and middle fingers in the belt loops of Steve’s jeans and pulls him forward. On the TV screen Bruce Willis is still chasing a younger version of himself and it’s probably really suspenseful and interesting, but Steve just doesn’t care anymore because the only thing that matters right now is that he and Bucky are kissing again.

This second kiss is less teeth, more lips and tongue and gasping breath. Steve’s hands has slipped around Bucky’s neck, fingers tangling in his hair, pulling their faces closer to each other. Bucky has wrapped his arms around Steve’s back, running his hands up and down while pressing their bodies together. They’re nipping, teasing, tasting each other with a fervency that gives Steve a crazy but wonderful feeling of vertigo and he’s glad that Bucky is holding him because he’s not entirely sure that he could have stood up all by himself right now. And when Bucky lets go only to start tugging at the hem of Steve’s t-shirt, trying to pull it off while never breaking the kiss, Steve can’t help but moaning against his mouth and he feels the slight tension in Bucky’s lips when the sound makes him smile.

They break apart for a few short seconds just to get rid of their shirts, almost frantically pulling them over their heads and throwing them on the floor before slamming their bodies together again. Bucky is holding Steve’s face in his hands now, thumbs stroking his jawline, and Steve is gripping Bucky’s sides as his life depended on it. The sensation of skin on skin almost feels like burning but in a good way, a way that creates a surge of heat in Steve’s lower abdomen. Panting, his mouth against Bucky’s lips, his cheek, his neck, he traces the fingertips of his right hand over Bucky’s abs and chest, marvelling over the fact that someone can be all hardness and edges while at the same time being so pliable and smooth. The touch causes Bucky to make a sound that starts out as a whimper but turns into a groan as he slides his hands down to Steve's shoulders and pushes him up against the wall.

It isn't a hard shove, but the move is sudden and since Steve is unprepared his back meets the wall precisely at his sore spot. Pain flashes through him and he closes his eyes and draws a hissing breath. Bucky's movements slows down and he strokes his fingers over Steve's forehead and down his cheek.

”You OK?”

”Yeah...it's just...my back...since the sparring match..” Steve manages to get out through clenched teeth while the pain subsides. Bucky smirks and bites his lower lip.

”Oh. Yes. Your fragile physique and all that. Too soft for sports.” he teases while he leans forward and starts to kiss down the side of Steve's neck.

When he reaches the spot where neck meets shoulder he runs his tongue over the soft skin and follows up with a quick nip that makes Steve shudder and moan, pain forgotten and now entirely replaced by pleasure. Somehow Bucky's hands have found their way down to and inside the waistband of his now apparently unbuttoned jeans, fingers tracing the front of his underwear.

“Hmm. Or maybe not too soft. At all.” Bucky’s voice has taken on a husky tone, vibrating against Steve’s shoulder.

He lifts his head and looks right at Steve with blue eyes gone dark by full-blown pupils, searching for some sort of confirmation and Steve, face flushed and mouth half open, nods _yes, yes, please_. Moving swiftly, Bucky runs one hand up to the back of Steve’s neck and pretty much devours his mouth with his own while sliding the other one inside his pants, wrapping it around his dick and stroking it once.

And hell, it takes almost all of Steve’s willpower to remain standing when the sensation hits him like a thunderbolt and he can do nothing but gasp for air against Bucky’s open mouth. Bucky continues to caress him and Steve whimpers, pressing his palms against the small of Bucky’s back, feeling a need to be even nearer to him, that even this close distance is too far away.

He pushes Bucky's feet apart with his own so that he can straddle that wonderfully thick thigh and grind against Bucky’s hip and into his hand, all the while kissing him frantically, feverishly. He runs one hand up Bucky’s back and neck, grasping at his hair, and lets the other one find its way down his pants, touching hardness and soft skin the same way as Bucky is touching him. Bucky tilts his head back against Steve’s hand at the same time as his hips rock forward and he draws a sharp breath.

“Fuck, _Steve…!_ ”

And right at that moment when time seems to slow down while everything else speeds up, and Steve feels his own pulse rushing through his body, roaring in his head. Bucky looks at him with dark eyes, pushes him harder up against the wall and kisses him fiercely with an almost feral growl rumbling in his throat.

It turns out that it is all that takes to tip Steve over the edge and he comes undone in Bucky’s arms and over his hand, breathing hard against his mouth. They are a tangle of limbs and lips, of heartbeats and headrushes, and when he almost loses his balance due to all the sensations that runs through him Bucky is there to hold him up and he thinks that everything about this feels so surreal but yeah, he could still get used to it.

With head still spinning and ecstasy flowing through his body, Steve lets his hand pick up the pace again and it doesn’t take long (Minutes? Seconds? Who knows, because time is still all warped in here) before Bucky's stuttering breath against Steve’s neck turns into a lengthy pleasure-filled moan just before he is forced to throw his head back. And although it should be impossible to make a pretty orgasm face apparently Bucky somehow manages to pull it off, because DAMN, he is beautiful when he comes.

 

*****

 

Afterwards they keep standing face to face, panting, sweaty foreheads pressed against each other, hands resting on the other ones hips, until Steve's exhausted body finally catches up with him and he slowly lets himself slide down the wall and come to rest seated on the floor. Bucky smiles and crouches down, placing one hand on Steve’s neck, fingers lightly stroking him. He uses his free hand to push a couple of stray strands of hair out of his own face, then does the same to Steve.

“Tapping out so soon, Rogers?”

“Well, yeah, for now.” Steve chuckles softly. “Wouldn't mind a rematch in a little while though.”

Bucky stands up, smile widening, and reaches out a hand and helps Steve up from the floor.

“Sounds good. I’ve been waiting for this for quite some time, you know”

And then he leans in and gives Steve a kiss that feels so electric throughout his entire body that there should be visible sparks flying, which sounds cheesy as fuck, but there really is no better way to describe it. It crosses Steve’s mind that he has no idea where this is actually going or what will happen tomorrow or the day after that, but right now everything is exactly like he wants it to be.

And for now, it is all that matters.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is my first attempt at writing proper fan fiction and not just one-pagers or even shorter quick fics. I'll most likely welcome and publish all kinds of feedback although I would of course prefer the praising kind ;)
> 
> Oh, and the movie Steve and Bucky are watching is Looper. The scene they're discussing is very real and annoys me everytime I see it, but apart from that it's really a great movie.


End file.
